


I Couldn't Lose You Too

by onefootintheboilinghotlava



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onefootintheboilinghotlava/pseuds/onefootintheboilinghotlava
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zero Matter and Masters were dealt with, Sousa returned to his office for a late-night drink and had a visitor, coming with a confession to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Couldn't Lose You Too

**Author's Note:**

> Original Notes: Post-S2, just throwing this out before the finale is out.
> 
> So after airing S2E10, this is obviously a slight canon-divergent (Am I right?) (Why didn't I just put coda when I first published this? Fandom words are flying in my mind and I can never catch the right one when I need it......Anyway)

After everything with the zero matter and Whitney Frost, Daniel just felt like a lifetime away from the days he was just the chief of SSR (LA), yet he still just was that. Tomorrow, he would deal with the never-ending paperwork about the case on Zero Matter, but for now he just wanted to sit back down at his office and let the quietness sink into him. The lights were dim, no one was at office on a day they finished such a case, everyone else had headed home to rest. He walked into his office, sat down on the chair and putting down the crutch. It was wonderful to feel the pressure off his leg, yet it still felt so surreal. Days ago, he was hitting everything in the same room, in fear of Peggy’s life. Days ago, he was sitting here, buried in work, trying to forget how Peggy has rejected his invitation and trying to move on. 

He reached the bottom of his desk, retrieved the bottle that he stored there a few days after he arrived at L.A. He had kept it there, just in case he went sulking about leaving New York again. Yet here he was, with Peggy in the same city, working alongside, facing threats and danger together. Well, worked and faced. Thankfully all the fiasco was over for the time being. He closed his eyes, turned his chair towards the window, stared out the L.A bright sky. He loved the moment of quiet and calm, after weeks of thrills and chills, he missed the quietness of late night alone in his office. Drinking straight from the bottle calmed his thoughts further. He was just content to have Peggy, Jarvis, Rose and Howard in the same city safe and sound. It seemed strange that he’d consider even Howard into the group, but well when one got through some thrilling dangers with another, it seemed sensible for Daniel to be glad for Howard’s presence. 

Someone knocked on his door, he turned around and saw none other than the gorgeous yet……Peggy Carter. 

‘Having a celebratory drink without me, Chief?’

‘Well, considering you could still call me chief, I do think this is a personal celebratory drink, but company could be welcomed, I guess.’

Peggy stepped inside the office and sat on one of the guest chairs.

‘So? Having a talk?’ Daniel looked at her, contemplating if she was going to bring up their conversation back when they were monitoring Dottie Underwood. He’d have thought he got no chance with her, but that moment gave him just a glimpse of hope. Yet with everything happened AFTER that, he’s right back into the ‘never-gonna-happen’ pit. He’d be lying if he claimed it didn’t hurt when Peggy said he should be dispassionate and remained silence when he questioned her on letting Dr. Wilkes shot himself. That silence from her was what made him so focused on getting the task done, instead of dwelling further of what she might imply with the silence answer. 

‘Actually…I own you an explanation and…maybe some sort of a confession…’ She seemed nervous, on edge even. He wondered what could make her so out of calm, with everything more or less handled with for the moment. 

Daniel tilted his head towards Peggy. He originally thought Peggy was gonna give him the ‘I’m sorry I’m not in love with you’ speech, with everything on the case wrapped up. This was not what he expected. He stood up, walked towards the chair next to Peggy without the crutch and sat down. 

‘Peggy you own me nothing. Whether it is what you said or did earlier, I can understand. It’s all for saving Dr. Wilkes and destroying Zero Matter. You did good. We did good on this, as tough as it is on the expense of Dr. Wilkes’ life. Like you said, he is a good man, I’m sorry we couldn’t save him at the end.’ 

She took a deep breath and that was when he saw her hands were shaking. Just a little, yet enough for him to see. She gazed onto the floor before she looked right into his eyes again.  
‘I own it to myself. You asked me “So if the situation was reversed, that’s what you’d have done?Let him shot me?” I didn’t give you an answer. For all that we’ve been through together, I should give you an answer nonetheless.’ Tears were shining around her eyes, but her voice steady. That was enough to stunt Daniel and remained silent. 

‘I…at the moment really couldn’t say what I would do, in an ideal world, I’d say I find another way without any harm coming to you. But maybe, in all honesty, I’d have done the same as you did. I am still not sure, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel for you, Daniel. I couldn’t say a thing back then because I couldn’t allow myself to even consider the possibility of losing you.’ She put her hand onto his, gradually holding it into hers as she spoke.

‘I was angry because so much were going wrong and I didn’t have a goddarn moment to process, to figure out the best plan. I had to maintain that attitude, because that’s how it is when you’re in a battle. After Ana’s injured, what Jarvis said in the desert, I had to hold myself together… I was exhausted. I was angry and disappointed. My heart was a mess and you know when you are still in battle, you had to lock it away. I couldn’t let any chance for the shield…… to fall, to fail me, to fail all of you.’ She was shaking and tears were slipping off her cheeks. He held onto her hands, gently squeezed it, in the hope that it might bring her little comfort. 

‘I wouldn’t mind if you had let Dr. Wilkes shot me, because if that’s the way you all could come out of this alive, I’m willing to pay the price. Or it could be me being selfish? I’ve lost so much during the war and after, I couldn’t and didn’t wanna deal with that kind of pain and suffering ever again. Losing Steve was hard, but seeing people around me die because of what I want to do? It makes every day just harder to go by. I had so many lives on my hand back in New York and I thought I could get over it. Yet here in L.A., I had you and Ana endangered and Dr. Wilkes dead. It all hits too close to home, while I had to go on and finish the case. Daniel, I’m sorry for what I said back then and I have no excuse for that, but I hope… I wish you would want to understand, that I was trying so darn hard to keep everyone safe. I know my value, and I also know that I am expandable, if it’s the people I care most about on the line. I have brought too much misfortune into your life that I can’t bear to look at it myself. Too much was on the line, if I let myself even think about this burden for more than one second when we still had to deal with Zero Matter and Vernon Masters.I could not and cannot afford to lose anyone else……’ 

Her hands finally stop shaking, but the tears did not stop. She let go of his hands and stood up to grab some tissues from the filling cabinets. He stood up after her and held her hand to make her facing him once more, handing her his own handkerchief with another hand. She took it and swept away her tears. He stared at her movement, thinking who knew how many times she had cried like this without anyone knowing and bore all these burden and sorrow on her own. With an impulsive thought, he put his hands onto her shoulders, holding her. 

‘Peggy, you gotta know this is not true! You see Jarvis coming back with us, you heard what Ana said to Jarvis, you heard me saying it’s my choice to be with you till the end. You know Dr. Wilkes is dedicated to his own work on Zero Matter. Peggy…… We are all here with you, you are not going to lose any of us, because you care for us. And we all care for you as well. You do understand us and you give us all a chance to make decisions we wouldn’t make otherwise. Yes, loss and sufferings are inevitable and it’s all goddamn painful. But it’s all on the job, it’s life. No one can promise you there will never be a loss, but like how you held onto Captain America’s legacy, you never really lost him. And we are, in the same way, impossible for you to lose. Just because. It is your guilt that is holding you down. You couldn’t have dealt with Whitney Frost alone and we’d all be harmed in one way or another, if we didn’t act against it.’

‘Daniel…’ Her body shook violently once again, he stepped closer to her, sliding his hands to hold her arms instead. 

‘Peggy, listen to me. I know it’s hard. It hurts like hell and you just want it all to stop. But if anything, it gives all of us more reason to fight and stand. Even if it hurts, you are not alone in this. Jarvis told you before and I am telling you again, you can’t bear all this on your own. Let other people help carry the weight.’ 

She looked back at him and what he saw broke him. For once, Peggy Carter’s eyes showed how broken she had been, how scared she felt and how vulnerable after all the loss she had endured. He couldn’t help himself but held her into an embrace. He recognised the loneliness and he wanted to reassure her of what she still had, what she had not lost. She relaxed into his embrace, holding tighter with her hands and leaned her head on his shoulder. He whispered to her ear.

‘Peggy, we are all here with you. Please let us be with you, not just the dangers and threats, but when you feel like crap, feel broken as well. That’s how we are not gonna lost each other.’  
He was glad he could still provide comfort to her. He wished she would then learn to allow him to be there for her, though god knows what would happen with the case finally closing.  
Her sobbing stilled after a while and she pulled just a little away from him, just so they could look at each other.

‘Daniel…I… When I decided to come and find you, I didn’t know…I could let myself be so vulnerable in front of you…Or maybe I hoped that my subconsciousness would know what I need… I still wanna tell you that, I’m in love with you, too. You trust me, you see me and maybe I didn’t know it before…But I needed you…your words, I need you. You let my guards down and you are here to hold me…I love you, too.’ 

Her voice grew steadier as she uttered every word. He almost couldn’t believe what she was saying, but when he gazed deep into her eyes, he saw nothing but sincerity. She was laying her heart bare to him and he got it. He understood how this was how Peggy letting him in, into her heart. 

‘Pegg, I love you, too.’ 

His eyes shone with warmth and care, as she leaned closer to his face. He closed in, finally sealing their lips together.


End file.
